I'm in a mood and it's not really a good one.  I'm just crabby and I can't be content to be pissed off about nothing in particular, so man am I scurrying around, trying to find additional reasons.  There is no rationale to it what so ever.  I'm just cranky.  I want to be mad for things that don't concern me.  I get frustrated at broken promises.  I feel invisible and I don't do "invisible."  I just want to go away.  I'm mad because she's skinny.  I'm mad because he's so male.  I'm mad because it should've been me!  Wasn't it my turn?  I'm mad because it's just vacant.  I'm mad because this takes so damn long.  I'm mad because my escape, the land of perfection, goes unattended.  I can't find the time.  I'm mad because it's just something always.  I'm mad because, damn it, I should have these things.  I'm mad because it was ever introduced to start with.  I'm mad because I'm hungry and I'm mad because that means calories, which means weight.  I'm mad because it shouldn't be this fucking hard!  I'm mad because ol' Jell-o brain got a better tray in the buffet of life than I did.  I'm mad because this is ridiculous.  I'm mad because I just want to scream, but I can't because someone WILL hear.  I don't want to watch someone get all kinds of wishes fulfilled when I feel like they are less deserving than me (judgmental, I know!  I'm in a foul, foul mood!)  I want to claw my way out of my own skin.  I can feel it.  I'm shredding claws and I'm getting no where.  It feels very hollow and dark and I want it to go away.  I want this whole bit to just go away.  I'm tired of being plagued by "what ifs" and "why nots."  I'm tired of wondering which turn I missed, or which one I took and shouldn't have.  I want to kick my own ass because I'm truly very lucky.  So, why do I feel like I feel?  I laugh.  I laugh at myself.  I laugh at you...and you...and you...and you.  But, it's not symbolic of "happiness."  Why is that?  I want to run, but I don't want to waste the energy.  Why is this all so damn hard?  Why do I not have a nice glass of wine that I can go drink?  Why do I not even have a wine glass?  I'm just mad!  I'm mad because I'm "bobbing" through life.  I hate aging.  I hate feeling envy.  I miss ME!  I just wonder what does this?  Maybe it's just PMS.  Maybe it's just all enough.  My head hurts.  I hate how people just have this whole "Don't mind if I do" approach towards me.  I'm a giving person, yes.  But, I'm getting a little more than resentful of it.  When does it come back?  When does someone look at me and think, "yep!  It's your turn!"  I help old people pump gas in their cars.  I help others in anyway that I can.  I see fear in people and I try to help them feel less alone.  Why do I not have someone standing there being a rock for me when I want/need one?  I talk to people and they talk to me like they've always known me.  Even when I meet them for the first time.  I feel disappointed in choices others make for themselves.  It's not my fucking business!  But, just the same, I hate it!  Why do beautiful people with beautiful talents crank themselves up on pills and such?  Why do people forget where they came from?  Why do I give a shit?  I just want to have a break.  I want to be a little less responsible and a little less pissed off!  I just want to live!  I can't stand kids other than my own.  I can't!  I hate that about myself.  But, I'd be lying if I said that I want to be surrounded by others kids.  I don't!  Most of the time, I wish they'd just go away before they teach my kids how to be a little less refined (for lack of another word).  I raise my kids with manners.  I want them with me.  I want to know what they are doing.  I want to know what's going on in their lives.  I DON'T want to be the dumping ground for those who need that.  I just don't!  I just want everyone to be happy and to live with the decisions they made in their lives and quit acting like it's MY turn to take on their burdens (Wait!  Guess that's where "My turn" comes in!  Great!  Just great!)  I want to go lay in my bed and I want someone to put up a protective barrier...just for tonight...that will keep the rest of the world out.  I want to just lay there and think about absolutely NOTHING!  I want to stop being the mat people trudge their feet across as they're passing through.  I know I'm made of a lot and I can't say I can't take it.  I just want a break from it!  I'm tired, damn it!  I'm tired of being everything everyone else needs.  I'm tired of being the solution!  I deserve compassion, at minimum!  I'm a good person and I'd try my hardest to suck it up and walk on, no matter how annoyed I'd get.  But, I give it all up!  And, I feel like it's just so over-shadowed by thoughts of "Ooo!  Cool!  What else can I get?"  I hate feeling like this.  I hate when my dam breaks and it's just e-fucking-nough!  I'm sick of it all!  When did I become the answer?  Why am I the only one who CAN be the answer?  I know that's very narcissistic.  I am currently being the biggest hypocrite.  I'm complaining about something, I, myself, am being guilty of at this moment.  Failure to recognize all that others do.  I'm just feeling like a cactus.  I'm in a pot of shit.  No one notices when I need water because I'm a cactus!  Cactus doesn't require attention!  Yeah!  When ya get to it, I guess!  WHEN YOU GET TO IT!  Unfortunately, I don't think horticulture is a priority!  Cactus come and go.  So what!  It's just another cactus!  I am just mad!  I'm mad about it all.  I'm mad that I doubt and that I question and that I suspect.  I hate that feeling of being under someone else's thumb.  And the thumb holder has jealous, and malicious motivations.  I'm held back due to fear of my success.  It's unfair.  I hate feeling like a promise made is a promise broken.  Is there no one that is capable of being worthy of their word?  Is there no one that is capable of thinking about someone other than themselves?  Can I PLEASE have a turn?  Can I please just sit and think and do for me.  Just for me!  My boys would be ok, because I do for them, but partly for myself.  I just want this feeling of floating in the wind to stop.  I want to "belong" somewhere.  I want to live and dream.  I want to laugh and it be a reflection of happiness.  I want to joke and not worry about who I may offend.  I want to be ME!  I want to relax and I want to have fun.  I want to feel free.  I want to take these chains and let someone else drag them for a while.  I'm tired of being everything and being simply overlooked.  I'm tired of being resented instead of appreciated.  I'm tired of being played - not because I'm gullible - but because I'm too kind to say, "You're fucking retarded!  Do you know I'm not stupid!  Don't you know that this bullshit you THINK you're pulling over on me isn't making it past my proverbial front door?"  But, I won't!  It's easier for me to let someone believe I'm that stupid than it is to risk hurting someone.  My scars are many and they run deep.  I'm frustrated!  I want someone to stand up for me and put their foot down and make things right for me.  It's too much of a fight and it's too much hurt for others.  It's so much easier to just keep it all to myself and believe that I'm stronger than those right in front of me.  An unrecognized saint!  As if!  I'm so charred and I get so jealous of those who are so shallow.  I wish I could take advantage of people and be so free of mind about it.  Nah!  I dont' know that I mean that.  I hurt for others because I've felt pain, disappointment, anger, fear, the whole boat.  I just can't get myself up out of this crater I seem to be stuck in.  I'm just tired!  Why does it feel like nothing makes any difference; there is not sympathy.  I'm stuck, just watching, wanting and wishing.  Why do people need 25 cars and I can't have 1?  It's maddening.  I'm doing what I do for the right reasons.  Doesn't that deserve something?  I couldn't win a rigged lottery if I knew the winning numbers in advance.  It's making me mad!  I'm sick of being everyone's doorway to the fun time and the freedom to laugh.  I'm tired of being the bellman for people and their baggage.  I have baggage of my own to carry.  When is someone going to step in and carry mine for a bit?  Maybe I had that.  Maybe that was all I get in this life.  Maybe I'm gonna be a whole lot more pissed off before they plant my unhappy ass!  And, maybe my failure to recognize is just a result of my time being completely saturated by someone constantly.  Maybe I'm just being unreasonable.  Maybe I am just a jerk.  Maybe I have a paved road and I am just being selfish.  But, I'm just so mad!  I want to push a button and make the world go into sleep mode until I decide to wake them all up again.  THEN, I think I would be sooooo happy!  If I could just get away for just a bit to pay attention to me and all I want to do.  I just want everyone else to just shhhhh for a while.  I want to sit and watch the water for a while.  I want to smell the fresh, earthy smells.  I want to stand and hear only the noise of snowflakes falling.  I want to just have a little solitude.  I'm so tired of fighting.  I'm tired of hearing about health.  I'm tired of feeling like the next person that says one fucking word to me is going to get busted in their noise box.  I'm tired of being angry.  I'm tired of being bitter.  I'm tired of feeling slighted.  But, I can't ignore it.  It wont' go away.  I won't go away.  I'm tired of weakness.  I'm tired of shallow.  I'm tired of superficial.  I'm tired of mooches.  I'm tired of self-centered fuck holes.  I'm just tired.  I'm typing this and I'm tapping off a few names of those who will read this and be totally appalled.  Chances are, you're one of the soul suckers that has put me here.  You're one of the sponges that has completely drained every ounce of "give a fuck" that I had left.  I'm just mad.  It will pass.  In a few minutes, I'll start thinking about things I said here and guilt will set in.  Then, I'll debate it all within myself; how I'm being ungrateful for all the blessings that I truly do have by compiling such stuff.  But, I type it because it's all too big to stay trapped within me.  It's gotta get out.  I'm tired of having to be 50 something years old.  I'm not and my youth has been ticking away since the day I was conceived.  It's been a haul ass journey through "put off today what I can do tomorrow...because it's better/easier/happier for someone else."  It's not easy to sit here and be so vile.  It's got a rotten stench on it that I can smell seeping through the screen as each word forms from my fingers.  But, I just want!  I want!  And I want it to be ok that I want.  But, not only do I want.  I also want to get what I want.  Can't it just be my turn?  See?  Already, my head is creeping in and trying to work down my tangent.  It's annoying.  Am I not allowed - even within myself - to have my own resentments?  It's my bitterness and it's me that has to live with it.  It's there!  Rather I voice it or I don't.  It's still alive and well and thriving within my confinements.  I'm just tired!  I'm overly tired of having a feeling and it being shame on me for even thinking.  I'm mad about it.  I'm just mad about it all.  But, in 10 minutes, I'll get afraid of what God could take away from me to show me how good I really did have it.  I fear that.  I fear that more than anything else.  Not because I believe God is cruel, but because I believe I'm asking too much and being thankful for too little.  I will work it out and tomorrow, I'll be right back to giving for the taking by others.  What right to I have to be mad?  I put me here!  I allow it.  I just want to be a good person and I want to make things better for other people.  I just want that too!  I want someone to make it easier for me.  But, truth be told, it's never going to happen.  I represent "fun time."  I'm a toy!  I feel without worth!  I feel like I'm the most tolerant person.  Why do I have to keep sitting here like this?  Why is it fair?  I don't give a shit who promised what.  Can I just be mad because I don't feel like I get my way?  Can I just be annoyed that I feel like a crutch under a bunch of chronic conditions?  Can I be upset that I am a rock and yet I can't get a grain of sand?  Can I just be mad that wrongly put my faith in humanity and compassion?  Can I just be mad that no one ever sees where it hurts?  Maybe they don't care to.  Maybe they just don't care.  It's with fury that these things occur to me.  My ears are feeling like they are in flames.  I'm just mad!  I'm being irrational.  I'm being bitter.  I'm thinking of all the things I WANT to do and all the things I just CAN'T do.  Then, I think about why I can't do them.  I'm just mad!  Since there's no beer or wine to go drown myself in - which is exactly what I'd like to do right  now - I'm just going to go start my self induced guilt trip for every ugly thing I've said here!  I'm going to just go see if I can sneak in a trip to my land of perfection.  Because, there, nothing ever goes wrong.  There, I'm not this.  There, I'm totally fictionalized.  I'm nothing I know of my real self.  Right now, I want to be anything but me.  I want anything but this reality.  I want to get away.  So, since I'm on some self serving rant here, I'm going to dedicate a song...to ME!  Self, I dedicate "Long Day" by Matchbox 20!  Because it has been!  It's been one big, long, streaming long day for quite some time now.  I'm tired!  I'm not content to just be pissed about everything I already have to be mad about and I think I'm done searching for something to blame for it.  I'm just mad!

http://youtu.be/Lgoz3XkW1UM


"Long Day"

It's sitting by the overcoat,
The second shelf, the note she wrote
That I can't bring myself to throw away
And also
Reach she said for no one else but you,
Cuz you won't turn away
When someone else is gone

I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

[chorus]

Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
And no Lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right

Well I'm surprised that you'd believe
In any thing that comes from me
I didn't hear from you or from someone else
And you're so
Set in life man, a pisser they're waiting
Too damn bad you get so far so fast
So what, so long

[chorus]

It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

[chorus]

The start of "Something Beautiful"

Ryan McCarthy stood beside a lifted pick up truck and gazed over the bed at Shane.  He was living his life, completely unaware she was watching him.  He kept bending down, as though he was untangling fishing line from his shoes.  "What is he doing?" she thought to herself.  She walked around the truck so she could see him in full view.  He stood with some small breed of dog at his feet.  This dog was just sure he had found a new owner.  It wasn't true, however.  Shane Mac Gabhann was a dog lover, be assured.  However, he had little use for the smaller, toy breeds of dogs.  But, he could not resist reaching down to rub this little fireball's ears and pat him on his head a few times.  Shane looked at Ryan and said, "It's kinda cute!  What is it?"  The two laughed and walked toward the lake.  Shane carried the blanket, Ryan carried their picnic basket.  The sun was only promising, at this point in the day, that the light would soon be gone for the day.  Ryan had made her roast beef and basil pesto sandwiches, because she knew they were his favorite.  After a few steps, Shane turned to Ryan and said, "I'm really thinking we've got this all wrong.  You should be carrying the lighter blanket, huh?"  It appeared to be a rhetorical question, seeing as how before she could answer, Shane had switched his haul with Ryan's.  She looked at him.  There was something so simple about this man.  He had simple brown hair.  He had his simple baseball cap.  He had his simple blue jeans.  He had his simple t-shirt.  He had the simplest sunglasses.  He had a simple little flicker of facial hair beneath his lower lip.  Yet, for some odd reason, simple as he was, he seemed to propel Ryan.  He made her heart beat faster, he stole her breath, he was her magnet.  He was funny and he was handsome.  He was kind and considerate.  He was just too good to be true.  She could stare into his deep green eyes forever, if she could find a way.  She could see past everything when she looked in his eyes.  When she looked into his eyes, he could make her feel like he had whisked her away within the walls of his flesh to dance inside with him.  He was so amazing.

Shane was usually clean shaven, except the small patch on his lower lip.  He kept it trimmed to it was only slight.  But, he wore it well.  Ryan liked it.  However, this evening, Shane was sporting a 5 o'clock shadow.  Ryan thought this suited him.  It gave him a rougher, edgier look and she found it intoxicating.  She was staring at the dark stubbly shadows sliding down both cheeks and meeting up on his chin.  Shane looked at her and smiled.  "What?" he asked.  "I'm just looking at you." she replied.  Shane tilted his head towards the ground and reached out for her, sliding his arm around her lower back.  He was smiling and she loved this smile.  He looked very charming and boyish when he smiled this way.  It was the most innocent smile, with such a promise of something more sinister hiding behind it.  He stared off towards the sun as he held her close and looked over her head.  "We really need to get to the beach again soon." he said.  She looked up at him.  As she began to voice her agreement, he leaned down and kissed her softly.  Then, his voice went very soft and tempting.  "Whatever you want, always!"  He smiled at her and stole another kiss.  She could not believe this man was standing here with her.

Shane was typically shy.  He was the most peaceful human being Ryan had ever met.  He was usually soft spoken.  He never had a negative word to say about anyone.  He was very positive and supportive of those closest to him.  When his friends needed a cheering section, they came to Shane.  He had a way of making people feel very good about themselves and the world they live in.  He was very dear to those who knew him best.  They all valued his opinion because even if it were negative, Shane could put a positive spin on his presentation.  He was one of the most amazing people and Ryan found him fascinating.  She felt completely safe and protected when she was with Shane.  Though he was quiet, he would stand up for what was right and he would not back down from anyone.  He certainly wasn't going to be pushed around.  Ryan knew that the one thing in the world that would draw out Shane's inner evil was if someone messed with his loved ones and anything unable to defend itself against it's attacker...man or beast.  Ryan found that to be just another trait that made Shane sexy to her. 

Too many times, Ryan could not focus on the real world because she was busy amusing herself with thoughts of her reality with Shane.  He was so good to her.  She had never been this lucky in love.  She was in love.  She had been dating Shane for 8 months and no matter what, she could not shake that feeling of floating on clouds.  This guy was everything she had ever looked for and everything she had ever wanted.  She just felt inclined to stay guarded because he was just too good to be true.

Shane Mac Gabhann was equally as taken with Ryan.  He was very attentive and his nurturing instincts wanted to do anything he could to make her life easier.  He loved her bright, warm smile.  He didn't care what that girl asked of him, he would do it in hopes of her paying him with her smile and her loving touch.  He would do just about anything for her.  He had been in relationships in the past and he was frequently taken for a fool.  People often assess shyness as weakness.  Shane was used to women, especially, trying to get over on him.  He loved that Ryan was as honest and sincere a person as he had ever met.  Truth be told, he loved everything about her.  He loved the feminine shape of her body.  He loved the way her blonde ringlets framed her face.  He liked the, almost electrical, sensations that felt when he held her hand or held her close to him.  He was entranced with her gentle, honeysuckle scent.  He was sure she was an angel.  She always had a positive, can do attitude.  It complimented his "live and let live" personality very well, he thought.  He wasn't willing to call it a done deal just yet, but he had definitely been considering his options for making her a more permanent part of his life.

Tonight, however, it was the two of them, enjoying a sunset picnic, together.  He laid the blanket out.  He knew she was very particular about the blanket being completely flat against the ground.  He walked the edges of the blanket and pulled, tugged and straightened the edges and corners until it was "Ryan Approved."  He admired this quality of Ryan.  She took pride in everything she did, no matter how small the task may be.  This was evident as she unwrapped Shane's sandwich before handing it to him.  The determination in her face, as she focused on removing a small sliver of tinfoil from her bread,  was cute to Shane.  These two were very much in love.

Shane was the youngest of 3 kids.  He had an older brother named Shawn and an older sister named Rachel.  Rachel loved her younger brother.  Anything he did was alright with her.  Plus, Rachel and Shane were often forced to be allies against their older brother.  Shawn was 10 years older than Rachel and 13 years older than Shane.  Shawn wasn't deliberately mean to his younger relations.  He was just a typical teenager and he did enjoy a prank or two, especially on his younger sister and brother.  Though Shane had learned to stand his ground by challenging his much older brother, the 3 kids had grown up to be very close as adults.  Rachel and Shane, however, had a slightly closer relationship.  Rachel could not find anything she disliked about Ryan, but the big sister in her just couldn't allow anyone to ever be good enough for her brother.  So, she saw it as being protective of her brother, but Rachel refused to be anything more than formal with Ryan.  It really annoyed her because Ryan never seemed discouraged and she was never disrespectful to Rachel, no matter how many "tests" Rachel put her through.  Truth be told, within herself, Rachel actually liked Ryan. 

It Just Didn't Work...

I tried to fix my toes, it just didn't work!
I tried to do my hair, it just didn't work
I tried to visit the Rockies, it just didn't work
I tried to keep a secret, it just didn't work
I tried to have a pity party, it just didn't work!  :)
I tried to get my business going, it just didn't work
I tried to give a damn, it just didn't work
I tried to quiet the noise, it just didn't work
I tried to do the laundry, it just didn't work
I tried to clean the kitchen, it just didn't work
I tried to ignore the monster under my bed, it just didn't work
I tried to get rid of my headache, it just didn't work
I tried to find a self refilling tea cup, it just didn't work
I tried to ignore those nagging chores, it just didn't work
I tried to read AND watch tv, it just didn't work
I tried to think with my heart, it just didn't work
I tried to ignore the obvious, it just didn't work
Now, I'm trying to get my boys to sleep, and it just halfway worked...

Ya know...

This is something I wrote, just because!

Ya Know

Ya know, you asked me to be patient
You asked me to care
When I needed the favor returned,
You were anywhere but there

Ya know, you asked me to believe
I gave you my all
You were laughing at me
You let me trip and fall

Ya know, I gave so much
I gave you things you didn't deserve
Like love, kindness, trust and faith
Now, it's time I steel my nerve

Ya know, you want to hold me down
Now that I've learned to fly
A lesson I learned well
Now, you're nothing but a goodbye!"

Ya know, I've tried to make you see
I gave you a second chance
You played me like a board game
You never wanted to dance

Ya know, I reached for you
More times than you know
You act so offended
Because I let you go

Ya know, you're alone again
And that's what you want to be
Because to feel love for others
Is an emotion you just don't need

Ya know, it's not your fault
This that I gave to you
It was always one sided
What were you to do?

Ya know, it's what you don't know
That makes you really sad
I just can't allow myself
To pine for things unhad

Ya know, my head is clear now
I've finally grown strong
Enough to face and realize
You played me all along

***Inspired 6/2009***

So Beautiful, I cry...

My heart is big and my eyes see beauty in very deep ways - sometimes in the strangest of places.  I think I'm odd.  But, for whatever reason, I see some things and my heart sweats.  It surely seems strange that someone could enjoy something that inspires that response.  But I do!  One of my favorite photographs is a picture of a mother giraffe kissing the head of her baby.  I LOVE that picture so much.  There is something very comforting to me to think that animals in nature are capable of feeling love for each other.  It's beautiful for me.  Another thing that makes me weak is a wedding ring on a man's hand.  That must seem like the strangest thing a woman in my position could ever say.  But, odd or not, it's always a soft interpretation on my end.  I see it and I'm touched to see a man that loves someone so much, he wears his ring like a trophy.  The shinier, the better!  It says to me that he is a man who dearly loves another and is not ashamed to draw attention to that fact.  No matter how manly the hands may be, they represent something very soft and loving about that man.  It's beautiful to me.  Another thing that gets me at my core is those photos designed to rail profit.  That part - not so beautiful.  But, the sweetest thing - next to the aforementioned things - is when a father holds his newborn baby.  The baby sleeps peacefully in his arms, with an innate understanding that he is safe.  The big, manly hands of the baby's father suddenly become very soft and comforting.  I see it and I think of myself in the hands of God.  I sleep there and his hands cradle me and make me feel safe.  It's symbolic, I suppose!  But, more than anything - probably, again, for the symbolism - is when a father watches his baby sleep.  It's extra sweet when he does it without knowing anyone sees him.  It's so beautiful to me.  It is an appreciation for some art form that reaches me on a level I don't quite understand.  I have shed tears because, to me, it is the most beautiful, most peaceful thing in the world.  It is like some beautiful dance to see a man, wild and untamed; in theory, become so docile and content.  It is a transformation that is as perfect as a rehearsed ballet.  It's a dance of a soul that moves from a more "lost and harsh" notion to something more "settled and gentle."  Men are big and strong.  They are protectors.  Babys are so delicate, new and fragile.  It is beautiful to me.  I just love this art of life.  I love to watch the transformations; to me, a beautiful dance that tells a story.  It robs my heart of an extra beat at times.  It wrings my soul out of every drop contained within.  It's just something I will never be able to describe.  It's just something so beautiful.  It's not only acceptance, but it's content.  There is no untruth in something so pure.  There is no confusion and no misunderstanding.  This is where REAL love lurks and reveals it's true self.  It is like living in the center of a cotton ball and a crisp, breezy day.  It's a newly bloomed daisy against the thick, gentle blue backdrop of the sky.  It is my spring breeze.  Raw human emotion, on a positive level, is my favorite theater.  My favorite dance, by far, will forever be the one of true beginning of life; those moments that are too beautiful to fake.  Those moments where our soul appears to have taken over our physical existence are the nourishment I crave.  It is a love that I could never do justice with words alone.  It is my passion, my hobby, and my light. 

Beautiful Life...

I have been feeling like a jerk lately.  Why?  Because so many of my friends are having hard times and struggling.  Me?  Oh, who'm I kidding!  We're all having hard times and struggling right now.  So, I have my very own set of issues.  However, I can't get this silly grin off of my face.  I'm just happy!  Life has been pretty alright lately.  I don't have a winning lottery ticket or anything like that.  I'm just finding that I'm totally ok - on an emotional level.  I can't find a lot to complain about.  I bounced back from being sick the last few weeks.  I'm suspecting bronchitis or something in that family.  But, I still can't laugh without hacking and whatever.  But, the aches and pains that accompanied this previously have left.  I'm feeling alive and I have my energy back.  I just wanna go, go, go!  So, if you wanna ask me if I wanna go somewhere, the answer is yes - provided I haven't' said yes to something else already.  I'm just happy!  I love life and I love living it.  I feel bad for all of those who have lost their jobs, or family members, or spouses, or whatever.  But, I'm here to tell you, it gets better and there's changing winds; the glory of the earth turning!  Anyway, if you're hurting because of someone, chances are you put too much into the wrong peeps.  You can't blame people because they are incapable of treating you the way you want to be treated!  It just means that particular person was the wrong person.  Scoop it up, and carry on.  You'll be alright!  Just watch! 

Now, on a different note, it's camping season and I wanna go.  We've talked about it, and decided that maybe we'll try the route of renting a camper this time.  There's too much with kids and my mom and all that stuff.  So, renting a camper just might make things - different - but fun just the same.  Especially because today, we found a campground type thing that is a "members only" type of arrangement.  The people all looked older, and the "wilderness" features a few really great bass ponds.  The guy also said that there is a huge issue with rattlesnakes.  So, that part is a little unnerving.  But, if we rent a camper and join this group, then we can camp there anytime we have an RV.  So, there's a fun time!  The tent, in a place like that, would just ensure we'd be sending someone out by helicopter.  Zac and his lack of fear and limited pain sensation would just about guarantee that.  Brennon lacks coordination, through no fault of his own.  Anyway, I could run down the list and give reasons why we'd all be in trouble.  But, it's more fun to just say that we'd really have to watch out.  It would take every adult at our disposal to help make sure those sneaky snakes take a detour en route to any of us.  Ha!  It would be ironic though, seeing as how we've been "snake hunting" for the last few days and haven't seen a single one.  We're smart!  We stay in the car and go to those places where they're supposedly "guaranteed to see a snake."  Still, nothing!  It would be my luck, I'd wake up and find one snuggled up, sleeping right beside me.  And, I'm here to tell you, I'd probably cause gingerbread shaped cut outs in the side of that shelter - no matter what kind it would be.  I have a history of moving pretty fast when snakes come around - so I'm told.  All I know is the one that was slithering across my foot caused me to black out for a second and I was standing on the bottom step and bounded up to the top (approx. 6 stairs - maybe 8?) without ever knowing I had moved.  Fight or flight took over and my aunt about hurt herself from laughing at me so hard.  I was scared - I'll admit it.  And when I lived in MS, we had a house built on a lake - so there was no shortage of the slithering little beasts there for sure.  But, there, I had a dog that was very protective and with the exception of 2, did very well at keeping them away from us.  (One he didn't keep away from us was on the outside of his kennel in the side yard.  The other one had apparently decided to build himself a den at the base of a drain spout and had obviously been there for quite some time - we just never noticed him.  Anyway, bottom line is that I'm scared about bald of snakes - and here I am out trying to hunt them down.  I apparently suffer from a lack of good sense.  But, it's been fun so far and we've discovered all kinds of places around us that we'd have never known about otherwise.  It's a fun time!  I'll do my best to take photos if and when we hit pay dirt. 

Finally, I'd like to say that while I do have a heart and I do feel bad for all those struggling with life right now, I do hope that everyone can find something that makes them smile.  Life is tough for everyone right now.  So what if you didn't get approved for that refinancing!  So what if the bank is coming for your car.  Who cares that you're having to choose between buying groceries and paying bills.  It happens.  And, anything lost is a sign that it's time for your like to exclude whatever you're giving up.  It will be ok.  I've lost houses and cars.  It sucks and it hurts.  But, it's also nice when you don't have to worry every month about paying for those things anymore.  So, take the time to let it go and just simplify.  You gotta eat!  Your kids gotta eat!  It's a no brainer.  If you're working 22 out of 24 hours a day just to scrape by, then it's really time to give it up.  Take pride out of the equation, and take desire out of it and you would've given it up already.  Pride and desire can easily be rejuvenated.  All it takes is one more "the" thing.  Just watch!  We're all one "want" away from being right where we want to be.  Without desire, we lack a need to get up in the morning.  But, in the same notion, we have to learn to desire things that are healthy for us.  Am I gonna tell you that a Prius is the answer?  Uhhhhhmmmmm....NO!  Not just no, but HELL NO!  But, there's a lot of possibilities in the world.  For every person that has to give back a house or a car is a bank that isn't getting money from you for them anymore.  They are going to be desperate to unload that liability pretty quick.  So, they're going to need to be especially clever about wheeling and dealing.  So, while that may not help you on your particular car or house, it may help on one of the multiple other broken dreams in the world.  It's sad, I know.  But, think necessity rather than want.  You'll see you've been silly to try to make it all come together anyway.  And, if you are worried that you're not going to be able to fix it all by tomorrow, in the words of Dave Ramsey, "You didn't get in debt overnight.  Why would you expect to fix it over night?"  You can't!  It's just not human to be able to pull some of this off.  But, take away the lesson and you'll be rich beyond your ever years!  If you like this concept, you might be interested in a book by Dave Ramsey!  Try it out.  It's very helpful and it will help you see that it's not just you.  It's all of us and it's a lot the same mistake!  So, no worries!

Random Thoughts and Tinkerings...

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” — Albert Einstein

“The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you.
Jeremy Grey

“To love is to risk not being loved in return."

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.” ~ Alex Tan

 “In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder.” 
  
"We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.” ~ Richard Bach

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you” - Friedrich Nietzsche

“Every exit is an entry somewhere.”
~ Tom Stoppard

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'” - Charles Schultz

“A lie does not consist in the indirect position of words, but in the desire and intention, by false speaking, to deceive and injure your neighbour.” ~ Jonathan Swift

“Celebrate endings – for they precede new beginnings.” — Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”” — Ann Landers

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse 

Funnier Ones:

That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.

- Matthew McConaughey as David Wooderson, in “Dazed and Confused”

If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer! ~ Ace Ventura

From Animal Crackers
Spaulding: (to two ladies) Let's get married!
Mrs. Rittenhouse: The three of us? Why, that's bigamy!
Spaulding: Yes! And it's big of me, too!


“I aim to misbehave.” — Serenity

“I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot, right to the babymaker.” — Anchorman

" I feel like a horse's patute" ~ Chris Farley

 


 
  

An excuse is a reflection of something you never intended to do.
A lie is something you create in your head to let another person know you believe they are gullible.
A failure is the greatest of all teachers.

Gotta Love Ryan...

If you're looking for a movie, this movie is a good one if you're looking for something that feels true and easy to relate to.  I really wish Ryan Gosling would quit trying to look like a 70's porn star.  He's hot!  But, that's just my opinion.  Anyway, this movie hit close to home for a number of reasons.  And, if you look to the left, I found it for you cheaper than you can get it at most any place.  It's worth every bit of the $3.99, for sure.  Plus, you could rent this movie, but when you can own it for just a couple bucks more, I'd go the route of purchasing it. 

It's a movie that follows a married couple.  Their love has kind of run shallow.  They both have resentment towards each other.  The story does flashbacks of how they first met and what was going on prior to.  There were parts of the movie that I couldn't relate to on a personal level, but it was real enough to believe that some people could relate.  I've never had an abortion, and I've never had 25 sex partners.  That was a little off for me.  But, in terms of the way she feels about her husband, I felt I could relate to Michelle Williams.  I've been there.  I'm sure many women have.  But, I can't figure out why she's so resistant to him.  As the story shows, he's a pretty good guy.  He does a lot for her that could've only been done if he really loved her.  So, I don't know how one builds so much resistance to someone who, seemingly, gives so much of himself.  He's a good dad to the little girl.  He's a goofball, and he needs a better job.  But, when she gets on his case about that, I love his reply. 

Anyway, this story is a very real life type of movie.  It shows how 2 people that were so much in love can become.  The ending was sad, because it's just so true.  It wasn't spoon fed to the viewer in terms of what you expect.  But, this movie seems to be a very fair and adequate representation of what our society has become for married people.  Her life, prior to him, is probably more to blame than anything.  How do you know love if you rarely see it?  It's a good movie, anyway.  I'm glad I watched it and I hope you'll check it out and let me know what you think.  Be warned, there are sexual scenes that are not fitting for the kids to see.  It's a little more than the movies typically put up for us to see.  There is also little to now warning, so this one is best to watch without the kids.  I hopeyou enjoy the movie.  Let me know what you think!

10 Guilty Pleasures...

First of all, I would like to thank Chris Brogan for the idea for this blog.  You can see what he's up to at http://chrisbrogan.com
Anyway, I am going to write about guilty pleasures.  Why?  Because, maybe we share some, maybe we don't, maybe you need some new ones, or maybe you just might want to share yours as well.  Either way, this is my list!  I hope you enjoy and again, feel free to share your list if you wanna!


1)  This one goes to Red Bull!  I love the stuff and I'd drink them one after the other, if only that was a good idea.  I'm going on a Red Bull starvation of about...3, maybe 4 days without.  I'm doing very well and haven't even thought about it once until just now!  Hmmm...now, I want!

2)  This has to go to movies!  I love movies.  I have several movie channels through my cable service.  I have Netflix through the Wii.  I have also realized I can't rent movies anymore.  I've paid Redbox so much money for movies I haven't returned that I should probably own my own box by now.  I wish they'd just hand it over!  But, I'm a huge fan!  I get annoyed when I can't think of a movie to watch and I end up having to put the TV on LMN.  I've seen most of those numerous times.  It's ridiculous!  That doesn't even count my DVD collection or the movies I've bought from iTunes!  Ridiculous!

3)  Cheeseburgers!  Oh, how I LOVE cheeseburgers!  If I could, I'd eat one for every meal.  But, the reality is, they're just not healthy.  So, I don't eat them near as often as I'd like to.  I try to keep it to once a week or less when I can help it.  I don't want to BE a cow!  So, I really have to restrict myself!

4)  French fries!  French fries could probably, fairly be my number 1!  I am such a fan!  I like steak fries, shoestrings, you name it!  I like them salty and with ketchup or ranch dressing.  But, my all time favorite has to be to dip them in a chocolate shake or something like that.  YUMMY!  But, the reason this one can't be number one is, because like the cheeseburgers, I have to ration myself.  I'll be honest though.  I do eat fries more than I allow myself to eat a cheeseburger.  I know it's not good.  But, fries seem to be a side dish for so many dishes.  Ha ha!  Ok, seriously, I'm a fiend for potatoes in general.  Not healthy, I know.  But, what can I do?

5)  This one goes to driving.  I love to go for drives with no real destination in mind.  Lately, however, it seems that's just a stupid move, considering gas prices.  I still sneak out and burn off some gallons every now and then.  But, for the most part, I'm annoyed that gas companies report record profits and still I have to pay out the wazoo for the stuff.  It seems to me that if they are reporting record profits, then they could surely lower the cost at the pump.  It's just my logic though.

6)  Gotta give this one to music!  I listen to many different kinds of music.  I like rock, reggae, punk, alternative, country, blues, jazz, classical, religious and just about anything in between.  I'm very open minded when it comes to music.  I believe every one of us has a purpose on this earth.  If I listen to a song that speaks to me in some way, I relate it to a good sermon in church.  I think we get messages in many different ways.  If we like a song, there is a reason.  So, I just let my ears hear what they hear and if I like it, then I just do and I don't apologize to anyone for any of it.  I can listen to something hardcore and turn around and listen to a tear jerker.  I don't limit myself to one specific genre.  There's so much good stuff out there!  And, for those of you who have ever suffered hearing the song over and over again, because I refuse to let it go, thank you for your patience!  That's one of my signature moves right there!  Repeating the song, or burning it multiple times on the same cd.  It's just how I roll.  Some of you know all too well.  Again, thank you!

7)  Candles take the cake here.  I love candles, but I'm picky.  I like candles that are packed with fragrance from beginning to end.  I like the smell as they burn and I also like when a room smells like the candle does when it's "cold."  So, I will frequently find a fragrance I like and buy multiples of it so I can have the room smelling like that candle rather it's burning or not.  For example, when you go into a craft store - such as where you buy finished goods - they usually smell like cinnamon.  It doesn't matter if it's Christmas time or not.  I love that smell.  I love how you can buy a quilt or something cloth from the store and it smells of cinnamon when you get it home.  I had a throw that was given to me as a gift once.  I didn't wash that throw for the longest time because it smelled like cinnamon for quite a while.  I loved it!  Anyway, candles are a guilty pleasure.  I love to have things that smell good!

8)  Surfing the internet is another of my guilty pleasures.  It's one of those things where you sit down with the intention of looking for one specific thing and I look at 80 billion other things in the process.  I love how I can look up anything I want and I can move to anything else, with finishing up on one something entirely different.  I love the convenience!  I like that there is no late fees.  I think it's cool that I have yet to research anything I couldn't find something about.  I try to stump my browser sometimes, and every time, it comes back with results and it even boasts about how many point seconds it found the results in.  Very fun to me!  So, I have to limit myself or I could easily burn up all my days just surfing and learning. 

9)  Watching people is probably another guilty pleasure.  I am very psychologically minded.  I am fascinated by the things people do.  I like to sit and watch them exist in their world.  Not in a stalker type of way.  I just sit on patios and watch people as they pass.  I try to figure out what they do for a living.  I wonder if they have kids.  I wonder if I would have anything in common with them.  Then, when they do something peculiar, I wonder what inspired them to do it.  One fun "experiment" for me was sitting in a hotel lobby where they had glass tiles on the floor.  These were like windows and there was a fountain below the glass floor with a little stream/creek running under it.  This was really fun to see how various people reacted to this floor.  I used to dream of having a house with a floor like this one.  I have since decided against it.  It turns out, even though it's not a big drop to the ground below, people don't like walking across this floor.  People would go out of their way to walk on solid flooring, rather than jaunting across the glass floor.  Some people would accidentally happen onto the glass floor while talking to a companion.  Almost every time, they would gasp in fear and jump from the, obviously, stable transparent floor to the regular marble beside the glass.  I found this very entertaining.  And, oddly enough, I was surprised that I, myself, didn't like walking on the glass any more than the others.  But, it was very entertaining just the same. 

10)  I saved this one for last because I could talk about this forever.  But, I'll spare you and try to limit my examples.  But, I LOVE pretty things.  I like things that make me feel pretty.  I like things that make my home look pretty.  I just like pretty!  Bows, lace, frills, embroider, sparkly, shiny, colorful, black and white.  It doesn't matter!  I find beauty in so many things.  Sometimes it's a trinket.  Sometimes, it's a photograph.  It may be a vase.  I have collected images from magazines because they were pretty.  I also find beauty in human beings.  Sometimes, unfortunately, it's superficial.  But, it's often a thing of people become more beautiful to me the better I get to know them.  So, I guess it's fair to say I like beautiful people.  This is not limited to a gender or an age group.  This is humanity!  I have looked at a total stranger and thought, "He's so beautiful!" and I've looked at women and thought, "I so wish I was her!  She's so pretty!"  I love flowers.  I love touching sentiments.  I have cried over beauty.  I can watch a dance and I can get teary over how beautiful the dance was.  I can look at a look 2 people share and see how beautiful it is.  I can watch a mother and her child and I see the beauty.  I just love beautiful things and there's so many in this world.  I love this life and I love the beauty that it's filled with.  I can find splendor in a forest - completely untouched by mankind.  I can find beauty in the art in the park in a metropolitan area.  There is no limit and trust!  I am always looking!  Butterflies, birds, cars, trees, paintings, pictures, lights, bubbles, eyes, facial features, sculptures, greeting cards, facial expressions, human movement, water, sand, nature, no matter where I go, I see beauty.  So, I put this one last because, truly, this one has to be last because it could ramble forever!

Again, I'd like to thank Chris Brogan for this idea for a blog.  Feel free to visit him at http://chrisbrogan.com

T

Gone Wrong Songs...

This is a collection of songs that are just suiting me and my, not so gleaming, attitude tonight.  Each one of these songs has a very special meaning to me.  Each one has a life of it's own in my mind and my heart!  Here goes:
http://youtu.be/JHiqGqoIGII
http://youtu.be/LyPb8bfJWK4
http://youtu.be/LqJ9M6JenKM
http://youtu.be/Xsp3_a-PMTw
http://youtu.be/nJzBcKM3ZIE
http://youtu.be/e8X3ACToii0
http://youtu.be/TyHQQWY5FAU
 http://youtu.be/7hxe85iErew
http://youtu.be/IYerwwTV5qc
http://youtu.be/XPcjjOrKmJw
http://youtu.be/MwQTd8Avz5Y
http://youtu.be/iFB5-Gyrqhc

My Horrible-scope! Or HORRORscope - whichever! :)

Tuesday, June 14
You may be feeling confused at times today, and are not sure why. You may find that your subconscious mind is playing tricks on your imagination, and you are a bit distracted because your thoughts are on play and entertainment, not on the daily chores.

Numbers 9, 36, 44, 48, 54 Compatibility Gemini

 Goodnight all!  C-ya!
>--<3--->

I love this movie!!  I just watched this movie and it was so cute.  Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are a divorced couple and she has a bench warrant for her arrest for a failure to appear.  Gerard Butler is a ex-cop turned bounty hunter and is determined to turn his ex-wife in for the bounty.  It is full of funny!  But, the end is a little different than you might expect.  It's a very charming movie and I think it's great!  So far, I've found it for only $2.05 on Amazon.  So, if you're looking for a cute movie with a little action, a little drama, and a whole lot of "getting even," then I think you'd get a kick out of this movie!  Good luck and I hope you enjoy it!

Fun Things To Read

Ever wonder if there is any truth to what a person's handwriting says about them?  There is truth to it.  I've been reading this book and it teaches you how to see beyond the exterior of a person.  All you need is a sample of their handwriting.  It teaches you what their slant says about them, what the shape of the letters mean, even the spacing.  It is full of fun information.  You can learn how a person truly feels about you just by how they write your name.  You can find out how to detect written lies.  But, on a good note, you can also learn the good things too!  You start this book by writing a sample of your own handwriting.  Then there are various quizzes through out the book as you go.  This helps you put what you're learning to work.  It's just something fun and interesting.  Plus, I found it on Amazon for you for $3.67.  Yay!  Whether you're just bored and looking for something interesting to do, or you're wanting it for specific reasons, I highly recommend this book!  It's easy to follow and the author makes it fun!  It's kind of like taking a course, only you're the only student in the class.  They explain things and then give samples.  It's very easy to comprehend and as I said before, it's just a lot of fun and very interesting!  So, check it out!  :)

"Dear Laney" Column

If you have a situation, circumstance, or some dilemma that you would like advice on or that you would like to share to get an opinion or two, feel free to write and state your situation.  I will respond, or if you'd like to get multiple thoughts and opinions, you can post you issue in the comments of this post and other viewers can share their thoughts with you.  Please know that if you write to me, I may change your name to protect your identity, but I will likely post your message and a reply!  If you don't want me to change your name (we all want our 15 of fame, right!) then just let me know.  I wish you all the best and I hope to hear from you soon!

Thank you so much!

What I Love About Men...

God made so many beautiful things for us to enjoy on this planet.  One of those beautiful things is men!  I am not the girl that takes them and makes them my own.  I don't have scrolling lists of lovers or anything like that.  I just love them!  I hear women complain and I have a few complaints of my own.  But, if we're being honest, men have their fair share of complaints too.  It's just part of the balance of life.  Nothing is ever perfect.  If it were, what would be the motivation to getting to Heaven?  It's by design.  But, make no mistake, though I have some complaints, my list of pros definitely outweigh the cons.  So, because it's my favorite subject - my favorite "art" - I thought I would share my list of favorite things about guys.  I don't mean to make them objects, but rather, I celebrate them.  Some of the things I celebrate might surprise you.  Some might just be predictable.  But, I find them amazing and I just wanted to post some of my favorite things!
 

1.  I absolutely adore manliness.  Even a man in a suit can be manly!  In my opinion, manliness is not always a steady, constant trait.  Sometimes, it's more like a fleeting moment.  But, no matter if it's constant or not, I find it to be one of the very rich things about guys.  They mow grass.  They fish.  They hunt.  They fix cars.  They chase after the noises in the night.  They can be protective.  They sweat and get dirty, without a thought about it.  The see a goal at hand and they can't rest until it's accomplished.  They muscle their way through the chores of everyday life and they carry crazy amounts of responsibility on their shoulders; never buckling under the weight of it all. 

2.  There is a lot to be said for the man that can admit when he's wrapped around a girls finger.  These tough guys that admit when they're head over heels is so amazing to me.  I've heard guys talk about their wives when they're not around.  The ones that aren't afraid to admit being a fool for the love of their lives is a very precious thing.  I love that!

3.  They have this inherent need to solve every problem.  Most of the time, they're good at it.  Sometimes, it's just those no win situations.  But, you gotta respect a man that's brave enough to try anyway.  They just take it all on and they make it look very effortless.  Their kryptonite is the love of their life with tears, or their children with tears.  Tough as they are, men have hearts that care when their loved ones are upset or hurt.  They can't handle it and they want to make it better.  I've seen it so many times.  It's a beautiful thing!

4.  On a more superficial note, they are built in ways that are like fluid pieces of art.  Even if they don't hit the gym on a regular basis, guys are just built to look like warriors.  They resemble strength and protection.  They will challenge someone larger than themselves, especially when it involves the safety and security of their family.  Don't get me wrong!  Bar room brawls are not all that appealing to me.  However, when a man is willing to put himself between, what he views to be danger, and his loved ones, it's just breath taking!  And, on a side note, I've seen some "small" guys that stood toe to toe with some "big" guys.  Fearless!  It's an instinctual fearlessness that seems to lack logic or rationale in terms of comparison.  They don't evaluate that they are the smaller of the two.  They don't care!  They kick in to overdrive.  I'll be honest.  The times I've seen it, smaller or not, my money was on the protector, regardless of the size of the "intruder." 

5.  It's not the way a man combs his hair.  It's not the way he dresses (though I'll be shallow enough to touch on that too in a minute).  It's the things he does when he has no idea anyone even sees him.  It's when he's in his zone and he's doing whatever mission he's on.  I've seen guys checking the lines across the grass left by the mower in the front yard and it pulled my heart.  I've seen guys trying to figure out which way to turn the wrench while working on a car and just been so moved.  It's the obvious determination that is appealing to me.  It's the concentration and dedication they pour in to anything they do.  It's all or nothing and it's beautiful!  They can focus and there's something about when a guy is absorbed in his task that is just so charming to me. 

6.  I'm also a huge fan of manners.  Call me old fashioned, but I don't mind it when a guy opens a door for me.  I think it's very attractive when they're on a mission (refer to #5) and bump into, or accidentally run into (or over) an innocent bystander and they are big enough to apologize and/or excuse themselves.  It's courtesy that we should all show each other.  Both genders have been guilty of plowing through a person and acting annoyed at the audacity displayed by the other party for getting in their way.  It's not attractive in the least!  But, for example, the other evening, while walking through a store, a gentleman walked right into me because he was looking over his shoulder.  He just almost set me on my caboose - though not a big guy, he had some momentum behind him.  Anyway, when he realized what he had done, he grabbed a hold of my arm to help steady me and he apologized and said, "Please excuse me!"  He truly felt bad about it and it was touching.  I smiled and told him it was alright.  He went on his way, and so did I.  I may never see that guy again.  But, if I do, I will remember him because he was just polite.  Manners, in my opinion, display class and it doesn't matter what a guy looks like or what he wears.  He can have class no matter what.  It is a choice, and I believe that.  So what if he's not made out of money!  I am not his accountant.  But, there is a lot to be said for gentlemen with respect for those around them and the courtesy to use their manners. 

7.  Back to the superficial - appearance type things.  I think guys are just cool.  I don't really care what a guy wears as long as he comfortable.  But, I have to say that it is very handsome when a manly man can put on a white button up shirt with his blue jeans and keep the shirt white!  I just think it's sexy.   White is like one of those fragile, delicate type of things in my mind.  It's soft and when there is a guy draped in softness, I just think it's very nice!  I wouldn't expect to see a guy out building houses wearing a white shirt, but when going to dinner or date night or whatever, I think it's a nice touch.  I also have this thing for baseball caps with t-shirts.  Laid back and relaxed styles have a certain versatility that I admire.  I had a guy try to help me change my tire one in his business attire.  I was so worried about this guy messing up his clothes.  It was the morning to make it even worse.  I was touched that he was willing to help (though it ended up taking an air wrench (?) to get it).  He didn't care about his clothes.  He was in mode #5.  But, I felt bad.  If he wasn't dressed so nicely, I wonder if I would've thought the same way.  That's not to say that I don't like guys that are in the business duds!  There's a lot of really good looking guys that put on their business clothes.  Underneath, they are still MEN.  I just find that I worry about guys getting dirty when they're all dressed up.  I guess it makes me nervous - not a fault or a flaw of theirs.  This is really my own deal. 

8.  One of my favorite things is the little boy charm that guys never seem to completely loose.  If they have a dog, and they want to haul that dog every where with them, it makes me think of the classic movie Old Yeller.  I think of little Arliss and that is what they remind me of.  It's like the little boy in them is sneaking out.  It's cute.  It's one of the most lovable things in the world to me.  When they goof off and do mischievous things that I could see my boys doing, it's just cute to me.  They push their buddy off the pier into the water below when he's least expecting it and laughing the whole time, it's just cute.  They hide their buddy's keys just to watch him look for them.  It's just fun, light hearted humor and I think it's great!  But, when the prank comes back their way, it's really cool when they can take it in stride and start planning their retaliation.  I just love guys!

So, though I could go on all night and day about my favorite things about guys, I will stop here for now.  In closing, I would just like to say that I am a huge fan of guys.  I like the softer side of them.  I like their rough, tough side.  I don't care what a guy looks like, every one of the them does something that I find lovable.  I'm just a huge fan!  And, no matter what a guy does for a living, no matter what he wears to work, to me, just almost every guy in the world is worthy of admiration.  So, please keep doing what you do and being who and what you are.  You're awesome!  Thank you for being you! 

I Gotta Be Honest...

My brother and his wife came to visit this last week.  It was GREAT!  There were 7 of us, and so the usual car just wasn't going to work.  So, we rented a car.  They ended up sending me out in a minivan.  My hair stood on end because my "mojo" is not equipped for the stigma that comes with a minivan.  I'm cool!  I'm hip!  I'm the business...  Anyway, you get the point!  So, there I was, standing in Hertz rental car and I was SWEATING!  I was dreading this whole minivan experience.  So, to help in some way, the guys let me pick what color I wanted.  At least that would give me a chance to go for "saucy" in some way.  So, I choose silver.  A bit later, the guy comes pulling up in this, dare I say, "PRETTY," shiny new van.  It was a Dodge Caravan.  "This isn't so bad," I thought.  I got in, after making sure no one was looking, of course.  I situated the seat, mirrors, radio...the usual.  Anyway, then I headed off the car lot.  I was somewhat hunched over, hoping people would not notice me.  I gotta tell you, that's when my head started to get some clarity.  I was driving in a brand new vehicle.  It had comfy seats.  Sure, it was large, but I had forgotten about that, seeing as how I was so worried about my non-existent reputation!  So, it occurred to me that I should relax a little and check this thing out.  As I was driving, I started noticing how my tushy was sinking in to the seat...and it was comfy!  There were buttons for everything in that baby!  It had satellite radio, so that was definitely a plus.  There was storage behind every door in that van.  Even under the floor mats was huge storage compartments.  There was FINALLY enough drink holders and guess what?  They even held the huge double gulp cups from 7-11!  This van was awesome!  Then, we discovered that there was a DVD player in that bad boy!  The kids must've watched Aladdin 700 times, just because that was the only DVD we had in there and they just thought it was cool.  The get up and go was also pleasantly surprising.  The entire time we had that van, no one complained about being uncomfortable.  There was dual climate controls.  The doors were automatic.  The front driver and passenger doors even had amazing storage compartments.  This thing was like a house.  There were various types of outlets all over the interior.  There was even a plug like the wall plugs at home.  The back had a deep storage area behind the seats (which fold down, I might add),  This van was just...rockin'!  So, in summary, though I'm not rich and famous, I STRONGLY endorse this van!  If you're looking at a minivan for your family, this is just what you're looking for!  If you're not looking for a van, give this little number a shot!  But, I will warn you now, after you drive one, you'll be in the market for one!  It truly redefines everything you've ever known about a minivan!  With my mojo in tact, I tried begging the fellas at Hertz to just "forget" I had the van.  Ha!  Needless to say, that didn't go so well.  But, since seeing the cost on these, I'm seriously thinking I REALLY need one!  I'd drive it around town with my head held high and I'd wave at the cute guy in the sporty little car beside me at the stop light, just before I dusted him when the light changed!  OK, I don't guess I'd recommend that - unless you like contributing to the municipal needs of your city.  But, really, check it out!  You'll be glad you did!

She's So Unusual

So, my name is Delane and I'm an avid writer.  I write about all kinds of things on all kinds of subjects.  Sometimes, it just depends on the mood I'm in, but sometimes, it depends on something that moves me in some way.  One day, if I'm having a bad day, you may find my entries to be a bit...dark.  But, if I'm having a good day, I try really hard to be entertaining and funny.  I'm very lighthearted and life is mostly fun for me.  Be assured, however, that it's not always.  Sometimes, it's funny stuff.  Sometimes, it's just trivial.  Every now and then, it's controversial.  But, I try very hard to keep my language to a "G" rating, but sometimes, things just seem so much funnier with an ugly word or two.  If you wondered why you had to agree to enter my blog, this would be why!  No nude photos or anything like that.  Just simply a warning that this ride might get a little bumpy from time to time.  So, if you're here, I hope you'll find things entertaining.  I LOVE to hear thoughts, criticisms and opinions.  I hope you'll feel free to let me know you were here.  Otherwise, I hope you enjoy your visit and I hope you'll stop back really soon!  Things are always changing and things are always fun/funny/amusing (so says me!).  Thanks again for visiting!